Keeps Hounding Me
by MyFandomsChangeFrequently
Summary: This empty void is hounding me, it waits 'round the corner, it hides in the trees. Commander-centric fic based on the song "Dog" by Andy Bull.


I feel it. I know not what it is, but it is there. It is a black presence that envelops me, and I can feel it everywhere. I see it in all things, in the scenery, and in the hallways, twisting and winding, I follow them to try to hide from this black presence, but I cannot escape. I can feel it staring me down, reprimanding me. I head outside for a quick breath of air, but a cold wind blows at my face, silencing my breath. It is too cold here. I can feel the emptiness. Another freezing wind, and I go back inside.

The void chases me into the Pigmask Army's movie theater, where I attempt to distract myself from the empty feeling it gives me. The movie on is trite tripe, and I cannot find myself enjoying it. The Pigmasks laugh hollowly at it. I leave.

I return to my room, moving at a brisk pace. I place myself on my bed and put my head in my hands. I can feel it burning holes through me now, the vacant and eyeless gaze invisible to anyone but myself. I clutch my head in agony and squeeze my eyes shut. There's a single drop in my lap, a wet spot on my pants leg that wasn't there before. Where it came from, I don't know. I try to disregard it, but instead I feel all the worse. The vacancy strangles me now.

I feel guilt. I feel apathy. I feel emptiness. I feel loneliness. I feel like I should have remorse for my actions as Commander of the Pigmask Army, I feel like I should return home, but this is my home, where else do I have to go? I don't have anyone who loves me.  
I don't have anyone at all.

Night passes without incident and I wake up feeling only slightly relieved for a moment. The opaque void in the ceiling stares me down and I close my eyes and take a deep breath. My arms, stiff at my sides, cross in front of me and I hold myself, breathing deeply. I feel a slight wetness on my cheek, again not sure where it is from.

In a brief instant I feel a thousand things at once. The unexplained wetness on my cheek, the bitterness of the emptiness above me just staring me down, and I feel anger, intense like I've never felt it before. I yell and lash out, I kick and I scrape at the air and maybe I even swear. I want to kill this void, I want it gone from my life, it's haunted me as far as I could remember and I'm tired of it i'm sick of it i'm done im done i dont want it

As soon as my fit ends, I feel an overwhelming sorrow. I lie perfectly still in my bed, mute. I barely breathe. I just think. The motors in my brain spin and hum quietly, and I just think. I slowly realize I can't rid my life of this abyss. It's always watching me. It always will watch me. I must give up trying to escape it and just accept it. There's nothing else to do. My jaw sets, and my eyes narrow. I am the Commander of the Pigmask Army. Now I'll start acting like it.

Months have passed and I can't remember, I don't know anything, only that this boy is holding me. I see his face tinged with concern and love and empathy and I remember now I remember that I am loved I have a family I have Lucas. Phantasmagoric images flash before my eyes, I see Thunder Tower, I see me issuing orders to my Army, I see the Pig King's face and his devilish grin as he issues commands to me, and for the longest moment of all I see myself crying, I hear myself yelling and I feel myself lashing out at the empty void that had haunted me for months, unending, always watching, always following.

I move an arm to Lucas' shoulder and my tears start to spill again, slowly at first, but then cascading down my face, and I can feel a choking sob tightening up my throat again. Lucas shushes me, and hugs me, and tells me it's okay and that I am forgiven. When he says this, my world brightens, and for the first time, for the first time since becoming the Commander, the void is gone and I can see the sky again, I see Lucas and I again running through fields Lucas picking flowers me tackling him to the green grass under the blue sky, so blue and open and it's not watching me or judging me or staring it's just there, beautiful and peaceful and so clear.

I try to sit up, Lucas helps me, I lean into him and I whisper into his ear something only he can hear -

"Goodbye. I'm going to see mom now. I'll miss you, Lucas. I love you."

There is peace in my world again.


End file.
